When the Sun Rises
by SugarBoots101
Summary: Eh...side story to "Resigning". Byakuya's poetic calligraphy writings. *spoiler to story "Resigning'*


_**When the Sun Rises**_

_I stand in your door way_

_With a shirt on_

_The sun, it leaks through your window_

_And turns your crimson hair_

_Orange_

_A flame on your white sheets_

_Guest sheets_

_As you coil in your blanket_

_With your arm outstretched…_

_My feet don't make a sound on the floor_

_Wooden_

_But my body is heavy_

_Heavy with inner anguish_

_Grief_

_And it makes the boards creak_

_Until I'm hovering over you_

_And my head's hanging low_

_Trying to shield myself from the light_

_You won't touch me_

_And look at me through your brown gems_

_And disregard my exploding emotions_

_Building in my chest_

_I hold my shirt at the hem_

_And rise it higher to hurt myself_

_To plant myself on you_

_And make blood ooze_

_To remember you were there_

_Silent, I cry_

_As I force it_

_And hold back my moans_

_In terror_

_But, I force it_

_And you twitch a little_

_Just a little_

_And resume your normal breathing_

_My heart is pounding wildly_

_I move my hips and breathe heavily_

_And take your strong hands _

_To make them hold me_

_Because you would never do that_

_Affection makes you crumble,_

_Saddens you in ways I can't comprehend_

_And it never stops me from thirsting after you_

_I move up again and you groan_

_I hold your hands tighter._

_On my hips they hold me, your grip strengthening_

_The sun is slowly rising and filling the room_

_With golden rays of beauty_

_And when I look at you_

_Your eyes are open and they are bloodshot_

_Anger_

_You force your way in_

_Harder and harder_

_And it's ok to moan now_

_Our skin makes a slapping sound_

_That echoes in the room_

_My moans terrify me_

_They sound like screams_

_Of a pain buried deep in me_

_As you move effortless underneath me, _

_Bruising my insides_

_Bringing more tears to my eyes_

_Reminding me I am alive_

_Your right hand raises_

_And places itself around my neck_

_Force, lots of it, makes me flustered_

_Is terrifyingly delicious_

_Pressure is under my eyes and lips_

_Moaning is hard. I can't even breathe_

_I look at you and the red has faded_

_I see your familiar gems_

_I see you_

_Sweat sweeps your tattoos_

_And I wish they'd bleed into me_

_Fill in the void I created_

_And tape us together_

_Like in a distant past of harmony_

_And loving you seemed effortless_

_You release me and I gag_

_You hold my hips harder_

_Anticipation is building_

_A year ago, I left my honor, my pride_

_My inheritance_

_My wife_

_My squad, my friends, my oath to my parents_

_To be by your side selfishly_

_And what I got in return_

_Was distant looks_

_Depraved attention_

_Hopeless dreams_

_Your brows furrow and you groan_

_Your eyes never leave me_

_Your teeth show in your grunt_

_And you let out a long sigh_

_And I feel it, the burn_

_The wounds mindless friction created_

_And it hurts_

_Like my heart_

_It hurts_

_I get up without a word,_

_Without a sound_

_And abandon you_

_Like I did two years ago_

_And run into the bathroom_

_To vomit something_

_A bit of myself? My humanity?_

_My sanity? _

_My reasons behind all this?_

_Love is cold_

_Inhumane_

_Broken_

_Love blinds_

_Materializes_

_Attaches_

_Love learns to suffocate_

_Terrorize_

_Kill_

_Love lies in a bed_

_Cries silently_

_And never talks to me_

_Love lies to me_

_**During Nightfall**_

_Memories plague me like nightmares_

_Exploding in my minds like shotgun shells_

_Firing off, one after another_

_Defending blows_

_To paralyze me in bed_

_Without a sound or a tear_

_But torture myself under the nitric brainwaves_

_Of my sounding system of my beating heart_

_Ba-bump…Ba-bump…_

_You'd listen to them with evading eyes_

_As if you denied my heart was yours_

_The sound was loud_

_Always frantic_

_And you were never satisfied_

_You looked wounded_

_And unusually timid…_

_Your lips would brush mine_

_And you'd squeeze your eyes tightly_

_To make your wishes come true…was I good enough?_

_I always thought I was_

_Especially when you'd smile_

_With simplicity _

_Because that was how we seemed,_

_How our loved seemed_

_But, those evading stares left me wondering_

_Despite the many smiles you had_

_What held you back? What kept you away?_

_You told me your hear broke when I married_

_The woman for my household_

_And it never touched your eyes_

_Stone cold_

_It was like looking at me…no, looking at what I_

_Created._

_**My Letters of Solitude**_

_Silence_

_Strands of your hair live on my mattress_

_I stare at them_

_Red, burning with rage_

_They are beautiful, refined_

_Broken_

_They belong to you_

_My room door is locked_

_I can't hear you breathe_

_I hear my breathing_

_My heart pounding_

_And through the darkness, I stare_

_At my door_

_Hoping you'd come in…_

_Dear Renji_

_Dear Renji_

_I'm begging you_

_Please…_

_Free me!_

_I can't take it!_

_I'm alone…_

_They are incomplete_

_Never leaving after the first thought_

_First words_

_Entitlement of the sentences…_

_They'll never be complete_

_Remain as fragments_

_Because fragments is what we exist in_

_**The Sun Just Fell**_

_I'm standing by your room_

_Ink on my finger tips_

_Calligraphy_

_Emotionless is what you come as_

_As a tyrant in your domain_

_Oppressing the atmosphere_

_I come to you in silence_

_And you open your arms_

_I hesitate…are you trying to trick me?_

_But, I can't resist it_

_And you hold me up_

_I hold you back_

_Your hair falls down your back_

_And your kisses are soft on my neck_

_We sit down together_

_And you let me straddle you_

_Our lips meet and I peek…_

_Your eyes are closed_

_**A Rose**_

_A vase placed in the center of the table_

_Blemishing the brown scenery_

_Of oak wood and mahogany tables_

_It's too deep to be your hair_

_You eat in silence_

_Exposing the black ink on your skin_

_Arching your eyebrows when our eyes meet_

_I try a helpless smile_

_If I can take back my selfishness from the past_

_I would have been brave enough to tell you_

_That I planned to leave with good intentions_

_Even if our love seemed impossible_

_But, I never told you_

_And cower in my selfishness_

_As I watched you sulk for so long_

_And never eased your pain a little_

_Now, you can't trust me_

_And your heart wavers too much_

_Last night you kissed me_

_Tonight, you'd hide in your room_

_Or disappear for hours_

_Because our love hurts you_

_Because it's a third party in this home_

_And it's domineering_

_Ichigo's family will be back from 'vacation'_

_And they'd hope that we broke our_

_Unspoken rule_

_To never speak_

_Instead, they'd come home to what they left_

_And see we have not progressed_

_And that I've found a new way_

_To hurt us both all over again_

_Your silverware clashes with your plate_

_As you eat_

_But you don't make a sound_

_And the rose blooms a little_

"_I had a dream things were normal" you said._

_My eyes widened. You looked at me, eyes distant_

"_It felt good" I felt tears on my brims. You wiped your _

_Mouth and sat back, "Byakuya, I'm done," _

_**I Wash my Hands in the Bathroom**_

_To erase the ink from the pen_

_That writes on a sheet of white paper_

_The lyrics to my torn soul_

_Afterward, I fall into bed_

_And close my eyes_

_Awaiting the eccentric dream_

_Instead, a crashing sound comes_

_And I shoot up_

_And dash to my door_

_I grab Senbonzakura_

_And open the door_

_You are lying on your back_

_Your breathing unevenly_

_And Ichigo appears in the doorway_

"_Byakuya, he's drunk"._

_I don't say anything._

_But watch the shadows _

_Of the unlighted house_

_Dance on you and Ichigo_

_I put Senbonzakura_

_Behind the door_

"_Just take him to bed and give_

_Him some water" I said. "Goodnight"_

"_Byakuya," Ichigo starts. "He's requesting you"_

_I look at you and you're struggling to sit up_

_And there's a lazy grin on your face._

_A stillness invades me. _

_Ichigo helps you up and I let you fall onto me_

_I step back a little but nothing drastic_

_And help you into your room_

_I laid you down and you said. _

"_We are not perfect. I am not perfect._

_But, what is perfection?"_

"_What we once had" I said. "Something_

_I want back." You loosen your ponytail_

_And said "I never stopped loving you."_

_I beg to differ_

_You held my face and I cried_

_My chest started to heave_

"_All I want is another chance, Renji._

_We can't go on like this._

_I feel like I'm going to go insane!_

_I left my pride, my honor, my family,_

_My squad, my responsibilities, my oath…_

_"I left it all behind for you!_

_I know I've made a mistake_

_And I regret it every day in my life_

_I wish I could take it back_

"_I wish I was brave enough to tell you_

_What I was planning to do…instead, I let_

_Our love fall apart…_

_Renji, I am truly sorry. _

_"Please let me love you like I dream_

_I hate that I've hurt you and continue hurting you."_

_A deafening silence appeared. _

_And you close your eyes_

_To fall into slumber. _

_I remained by your side_

_Without sleeping_

_And thinking of the morning._

_**I Woke Up**_

_To a familiar gentleness_

_And softness on my lips_

_It was instinct to welcome it_

_I never had to open my eyes_

_And notice it was you._

_Your kisses became butterflies_

_Down my chest_

_Around my shoulders_

_Behind my ears_

_And my heart quickened_

_To have you here_

_And fill me_

_To rock with me_

_And moan in my hair_

_Is a sense of paradise_

_Nothing can compare to_

_My heart feels like _

_It'll explode_

_Into tiny fragments_

_Of irresistible love_

_Your tattoos, the bleed_

_And I surrender_

_I smile_

_And so do you_

"_Byakuya, I love you"_

"_**Will You Visit?"**_

_Ichigo asked._

_I said no._

_You looked saddened_

"_I understand," Ichigo said._

_It's already a risk_

_Being here_

_We can't alert the other shinigamis._

"_It was nice seeing you" _

_Ichigo continued._

_I appreciated his hospitality_

_But, I got what I came for_

_And it was Renji_

_He and Renji were friends_

_I'm sorry Renji._

"_Later Byukuya, Renji"_

_I nodded we left_

_My pens are in his home_

_So are my poems_

_He'll find them_

_He'd read my anguish_

_And understand_

_Why I've decided to turn my back_

_On everyone_

_But Renji_

_**When the Sun Rises**_

_The sky is filtered with different hues of pink_

_Oranges expands across the sky_

_Stars are fading_

_Earth comes to life_

_There is flower petals scattered on the grass_

_And the wind whispers through us_

_Waterfalls rumble beneath us_

_And dirt smudges your face_

_Exile to our home_

_We stand alone in this_

_But, you don't seem to mind..._

_I can't give you children  
><em>

_Or make us legal_

_And that doesn't seem to matter_

_Because, when the sun rises_

_All I see is your crimson mane_

_And elegant smile_

_And your voice always calling me_

_"Byakuya"  
><em>


End file.
